Tuesday, July 29, 2008
IVAN BURGESS'S ECHO ECHO
"I just read in the Lebanon graduate book," Ivan said, "that Frances Breakey was the 1938 class valedictorian. That would be Frances Meyers, one of the best teachers who ever graced the halls of Smith Center Junior High. It was Frances who told the administration that if she was going to teach seventh and eighth grade boys to enjoy reading, the school would have to subscribe to something they like to read. I think that is when the first copies of Hot Rod magazine showed up on the library shelves. Before someone showed me the spell checker on my computer, if I had a word I couldn't spell, I would just call Frances. She could spell every word that was ever printed."
"Sometimes," Ivan said, "you get good news from unexpected sources. Last Monday morning, Kendall Nichols said that his birth certificate showed he was born in Rooks County. He was educated in Gaylord. So that means that Smith County and Smith Center can't be held accountable for his actions. However, in those rare cases where he does something worthy of praise, Smith Center can claim credit for flaking off some of the Rooks County and Gaylord High School patina and giving him a rational outlook on religion, politics, and current events. Smith Center is in a win/win situation: we can point with pride or view with alarm."
"Lyle Morgan has an old weather expression," Ivan reported. "Said it was something his granddad always said about clouds: They go north a gettin'/Come back a drippin'. That was a new one on me."
"Stan Hooper showed up at the As the Bladder Fills last Wednesday morning," Ivan said. "He was driving his wife's car. The [new] Rag Top Jeep wouldn't start. Everybody thought it was funny but Stan."
"Couple of things were said at the As the Bladder Fills Club last week that still have me puzzled," Ivan said. "Someone said that Stan Hooper carried a petition around several months ago. Stan said, 'I didn't carry it around. I had it with me.' Splain the difference to me. Then Linton Lull said he got a new rain gauge that was 'twice as accurate.' Splain to me how if something was accurate, how could something be twice as accurate. I have had several sleepless nights trying to unravel these two statements."
"I just read in the Lebanon graduate book," Ivan said, "that Frances Breakey was the 1938 class valedictorian. That would be Frances Meyers, one of the best teachers who ever graced the halls of Smith Center Junior High. It was Frances who told the administration that if she was going to teach seventh and eighth grade boys to enjoy reading, the school would have to subscribe to something they like to read. I think that is when the first copies of Hot Rod magazine showed up on the library shelves. Before someone showed me the spell checker on my computer, if I had a word I couldn't spell, I would just call Frances. She could spell every word that was ever printed."
"Sometimes," Ivan said, "you get good news from unexpected sources. Last Monday morning, Kendall Nichols said that his birth certificate showed he was born in Rooks County. He was educated in Gaylord. So that means that Smith County and Smith Center can't be held accountable for his actions. However, in those rare cases where he does something worthy of praise, Smith Center can claim credit for flaking off some of the Rooks County and Gaylord High School patina and giving him a rational outlook on religion, politics, and current events. Smith Center is in a win/win situation: we can point with pride or view with alarm."
"Lyle Morgan has an old weather expression," Ivan reported. "Said it was something his granddad always said about clouds: They go north a gettin'/Come back a drippin'. That was a new one on me."
"Stan Hooper showed up at the As the Bladder Fills last Wednesday morning," Ivan said. "He was driving his wife's car. The [new] Rag Top Jeep wouldn't start. Everybody thought it was funny but Stan."
"Couple of things were said at the As the Bladder Fills Club last week that still have me puzzled," Ivan said. "Someone said that Stan Hooper carried a petition around several months ago. Stan said, 'I didn't carry it around. I had it with me.' Splain the difference to me. Then Linton Lull said he got a new rain gauge that was 'twice as accurate.' Splain to me how if something was accurate, how could something be twice as accurate. I have had several sleepless nights trying to unravel these two statements."
